Tips for Dads on
Talking to Your Teens Tips for
DadsWe’ve known for years that involved and connected
fathers raise teenagers who do better in school, have
healthier relationships, and stay out of trouble. Not bad
for a job that we all want to do well. But sometimes things
get in the way of becoming the father we want to be. Our
work demands increase, we’re around the house less, and
we try to rush our kids to talk to us. I can remember racing
home from the office when my kids were young, only to find
that they were engaged in something else or getting ready
for bed. By their teen years I had figured out that I had to
catch them when they were available and let go of the notion
that they would accommodate my schedule. It’s mighty
difficult to work fifty to sixty hours a week and be there
when they need you. It will mean juggling your schedule to
show up for their events and be around enough to have the
“talks” that are such an essential part of good
parenting. But it can be done. Working late? Text them,
e-mail them, or catch them on their cell phone (if
you’re lucky they’ll pick up). Let them know that
you’re thinking of them even if you’re not around.
That means tuning into their lives — knowing about
their interests (sports, music, websites, etc.) their
friends, successes and disappointments. Beware of
conversations that are exclusively focused on how they are
doing in school. It’s a sure fire way to end a
conversation quickly. Why not ask them to help you with
something? They can teach you how to use a new app, play a
video game, or even advise you on the dated clothing you
wear! You’d be surprised to learn what a wonderful
icebreaker this is. If you want to talk
about the sensitive issues (sex, drugs, etc.) you had better
learn to speak comfortably with them first. Dads often talk
the language of facts and avoid the language of feelings
because it makes them uncomfortable. But it doesn’t
have to be that way. If you feel bothered by something,
think about what it is, and try to express it. For example,
say that you’re worried about Grandma’s health and
aren’t sure what to do. It sends a powerful message to
your son: It’s okay to be afraid sometimes and talk
about it. Sometimes men get choked up and that’s a sure
sign that something is brewing. It could be as simple as
saying goodbye to your son when he’s going away for a
few weeks. Instead of patting him on the shoulder and
telling him to take care — squeeze the words out: I
love you and I’ll miss you. Want more help? Ask your
wife or son to point out when you’re not being honest
about your feelings. Finally, learn to read
between the lines. If your son tells you that he
doesn’t care about his stupid girlfriend anymore, but
looks upset, pick up on it. Tell him, I know how badly you
feel and I can remember going through the same thing when I
was around your age. The better you learn to identify your
son’s true feelings, the more likely you are to
emotionally connect with him. And that’s essential when
you’re trying to keep him out of harm’s way. So
convey warmth, respect, and genuine curiosity — the
dividends will pour in when it’s time to talk about the
serious stuff. And guess what, he’ll probably listen to
you more often and even come to you for advice when the
going gets tough. How can you go wrong? http://www.drugfree.org/tips-for-dads-on-talking-to-your-teens/